Bush

[Investigator]

:D

Прикол на англицком

HU's on first

By James Sherman (We take you now to the Oval Office.)

George:Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

George:Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George:That's what I want to know.

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

George:That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George:I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

George:The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George:The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu.

George:The Chinaman!

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George:Now whaddya' asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.

George:Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That's the man's name.

George:That's who's name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George:Yassir?  Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

Condi: That's correct.

George:Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George:Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George:Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George:Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George:Look, Condi.  I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the   Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi?

George:No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George:No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

George:No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George:Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George:Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

George:Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George:Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.

George:All right! With cream and two sugars.Now get on the phone. (Condi picks up the phone.)

Condi: Rice, here.

George:Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?

Ещё один :p

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen.

He asks her what her leadership philosophy is.

She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.

He asks how she knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate. She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen.

She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms,  I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

"Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Helms leaves.

Helms immediately calls a meeting of other  senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer.

Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin  Powell at the State  Department and explains his problem.  

"Now lookee here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Powell answers immediately,

"It's me, of course, you dumb cracker."

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White

House and exclaims,

"I know the answer, sir! I know who it is!

It's  Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, it's Tony Blair."

[Schekspir]

Спасибо Investigator, насмешил.

Ну первая шутка не подражаема, врядли в переводе было бы смешно, игра слов в английском языке известная вещь.

А на счёт второй, эта шутка одинакова на всех языках, могу привести русский аналог:

рядовой подходит к прапорщику и говорит: "Товарищ прапорщик, сколько яиц Вы можете съесть на пустой желудок?"

Прапорщик говорит: "Ну яиц 5-6."

Рядовой: "Не правильно, одно, ведь второе Вы будете есть не на пустой желудок."

Прапорщик посмеялся, похвалил рядового за прикол и решил задать этот вопрос капитану.

Подходит и спрашивает: "Товарищ капитан, сколько яиц Вы можете съесть на пустой желудок?"

Капитан говорит: "Где-то 10-15."

Прапорщик: "Вот чёрт, если бы Вы сказали 5-6, я бы Вам такой прикол рассказал!"