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Не смогла удержаться... :hi:

Есть моменты юмора на английском языке, которые... ну просто непереводимы. Часто это может быть игрой слов. Тема для тех, кто знает английский и сможет оценить изюминку шутки.

Ringside Boxing Analyst:

"Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."

Greg Norman, Pro Golfer:

"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:

"You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artitsts, and writers are buried daily except Thursday."

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:

"If this is your first visit to Moscow, you are welcome to it."

A laundry in Rome:

"Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time."

Supermarket, Hong Kong:

"For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service."

Lenny Bruce:

"When you are eight years old, nothing is any of your business."

Herbert Hoover

"Blessed are the young, For they shall inherit the national debt."

Adlai Stevenson:

"In America, anyone can become president. That's one of the risks you take."

P. J. O'Rourke:

"Politicians are interested in people. Not that this is always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs."

Steven Wright:

"I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly."

***

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class.

"In English," he explained, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative."

"However," the professor continued, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up. "Yeah, right."

***

Actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

С уважением. :biggrin:

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Fellow Republican

A USMC sniper was real good at his job, and he had a method. He would yell out some insult at the enemy and when someone stood up to reply, BANG - one less insurgent!

After every mission the company commander would ask "How many insurgents have you shot today?"

However, on this particular day when asked about the number killed, he reported "Five killed and I let one go, sir."

"Let one go?" roared the company commander. "What do you mean, you let one go?"

"Well, sir, I yelled out 'Osama is a Homo!' Then this big insurgent stood up and yelled 'Hillary is a Bitch!' I just couldn't shoot a fellow Republican!"

Useful Latin Terms

Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.

Translation: When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults.

Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.

Translation: I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head.

Ten Interesting Points About Men

1. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

2. All men hate to hear, "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwartzkopf.

3. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

4. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

5. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

6. Men forget everything; women remember everything. Think about it! How many women's sports use something called an "instant replay?"

7. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

8. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

9. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say, "Oh no, I'm so embarrassed; I've got to get out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."

10. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping very close to your husband. Men are like portable heaters that snore. :biggrin:

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А где непереводимая игра слов?

Что-то не заметил.

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А где непереводимая игра слов?

Что-то не заметил.

Я не говорила, что это "непереводимо". Просто игра слов. И просто юмор.

С уважением. :confused:

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Я не говорила, что это "непереводимо". Просто игра слов. И просто юмор.

С уважением. :confused:

Жаль, не хватает знания языка для оценки каламбуров.

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Dear Schekspir, just for you. :confused:

In Short ...

In promulgating your esoteric cogitations or articulating your superficial sentimentalities, and amicable philosophical or psychological observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosity. Let your conversational communications possess a compacted conciseness, a clarified comprehensibility, a coalescent cogency, and a concatenated consistency.

Eschew obfuscation and all conglomeration of flatulent garrulity, jejune babblement, and asinine affectations.

Let your extemporaneous descanting and unpremeditated expatiations have intelligibility and voracious vivacity without rodomontade or thrasonical bombast.

Sedulously avoid all polysyllabic profundity, pompous prolificacy, and vain vapid verbosity.

In short: "Be brief and don't use big words."

My regards,

Foxy. :hi:

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A play on words.... :confused:

A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.

Whats the definition of a will? (it's a dead giveaway)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In democracy, it's your vote that counts; in feudalism it's your count that

votes.

She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you a A-flat minor.

When a clock is hungry it goes four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum

Blownapart.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Austrailia: the LAN down under.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: "taint yours and 'taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate Clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

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The good folk at Merriam-Webster Dictionary have compiled a list of "Favorite Top Ten" words that are not in the dictionary, following a very unofficial and unscientific survey of its web site visitors. Here's the list:

"Snirt." Dirty snow, usually seen at the edge of the road or parking lots.

"Slickery." A wet, icy surface that is slick and slippery.

"Phonecrastinate." Putting off answering the phone until the Caller ID information comes up.

"Gription." Friction that grabs; as in, "my car needs new tires because the old ones have lost their gription."

"Cognitive Displaysia." That feeling you get - before you even leave the house - that you're going to forget something and remember what it was once you're on the highway.

"Chillax." Relax, chill. Take it easy.

"Woot." An description of an exclamation of excitement. As in, "she let out with a woot."

"Confuzzled." Confused and puzzled.

"Ginormous." Bigger than gigantic and bigger than enormous.

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Не смогла удержаться... :confused:

Есть моменты юмора на английском языке, которые... ну просто непереводимы. Часто это может быть игрой слов. Тема для тех, кто знает английский и сможет оценить изюминку шутки.

А это тогда к чему было?

Почти все переводимо. По моему изюминку шутки можно оценить и не зная английского.

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Почти все переводимо. По моему изюминку шутки можно оценить и не зная английского.

И в чем изюминка то :confused:

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Conversation between office manager and IT-guy:

- Something is wrong with my laptop...

- Please follow my instructions. Right click...

- I wrote

- What did you wrote? I say - right click!

- I wrote :confused:

Игра слов та же самая

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Говорила мне мам, учи английский

Изменено пользователем Чичиков

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Common, people! :confused:

Lets smile. :hi:

Perhaps, we can use this topic to practice English with each other.

I think, even starters could join.

or maybe open different topic for that cause? Then where? In what category?

I think, it is OK, that we are going to do some mistakes. We can correct each other. And sure, have some fun! :bird:

For starters, I can do some basic, as ABC, how do you do, etc.

Who knows English better, always can help.

I'm not perfect, would like to learn more. Especialy, when it comes to writing... Well, and speaking... sometimes....

BUT!!!! :hi: I can read! I can read! :bow::lol:

If some difficalties accure, I always can ask for THE help THE "real" speakers. :hi::hi::hi:

I think for the start, we can use THE "free style" of writing...

I mean, it will help to have an idea who knows what. At which level we are...

Maybe somebody like to initiate to open such a topic? I would join in a minute!! Just put a note here, what's the category of the forum it is going to be. Or, perhaps, we can use some already existed topic. Which one?

What do you think?

Regards,

Foxy.

p.s.: don't you l-o-o-o-ove THE sound "THE"? :hi:

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Вы специально делали ошибки - проверить кто-то заметит или нет?

difficulties - пишется через u

to do mistakes - так не говорят, правильно to make mistakes

etc.

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Вы специально делали ошибки - проверить кто-то заметит или нет?

difficulties - пишется через u

to do mistakes - так не говорят, правильно to make mistakes

etc.

But off course!!!! :hi: ....Not.... :bird::confused:

Appretiate your correction, please, keep going... :bow:

Told ya, I'm not perfect! :hi:

Regards,

Foxy. :hi:

Изменено пользователем Foxy

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А это тогда к чему было?

О! Точно... Написано... :hi:

...Мной что ли?... :confused::bird:

С уважением. :hi:

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The World's First Professional

A doctor, an engineer, a rabbi and a lawyer were debating who was the world's first professional.

The doctor said, "It must have been a doctor. Who else could have helped with the world's first surgery of taking a rib from Adam to create Eve, the first woman?"

"No," said the rabbi. ''It must have been a rabbi, since the Lord needed someone to help preach his message to Adam and the world."

"Wait," said the engineer, "The world was created in six days from nothing. Do you know what a master engineering feat that must have been to create the whole world into an orgnanized, civilized place from utter chaos?"

"Yes, but who created the chaos?" asked the lawyer...

Lawyer Q & A

Q: What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

A: A tick falls off of you when you die.

Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?

A: Not enough sand.

Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road?

A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

Q: What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

A: A Doberman.

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they mess up everything forever.

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Не смогла удержаться... :confused:

Есть моменты юмора на английском языке, которые... ну просто непереводимы. Часто это может быть игрой слов. Тема для тех, кто знает английский и сможет оценить изюминку шутки.

Foxy!!!

Wax the sand!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yo...

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In short: "Be brief and don't use big words."

Вот с этим согласен.

:confused:

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But off course!!!! :ahez: ....Not.... :lol::lol:

Appretiate your correction, please, keep going... :lol:

Told ya, I'm not perfect! :ahez:

Regards,

Foxy. :ahez:

Foxy!!!!

Stop the torture of the language!!! :lol:

Smart head! :lol:

Appreciate, not appret iate

"But off course" :lol:

yea, you should of wrote "butt off" - just your style... Of course, Foxy, of course.

Yo...

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Intelligent Life

It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA; they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime.

As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, Dr. Lowenstein, the head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States.

He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it.

"Mr. President," said Dr. Lowenstein, grinning broadly, "after twelve years of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars."

He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown.

He said, "But that's impossible . . . we could never do it. . . yes Mr. President," and hung up the phone. He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously.

"I have some bad news," he said, "the President said that now that we've found intelligent life on Mars... he wants us to try to find it in Congress."

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Не смогла удержаться... :lol:

Есть моменты юмора на английском языке, которые... ну просто непереводимы. Часто это может быть игрой слов. Тема для тех, кто знает английский и сможет оценить изюминку шутки.

С уважением. :ahez:

Мало знать английский, так надо обладать чувством юмора. Полнейшая дискриминация. :lol:

Есть моменты юмора на английском языке, которые... ну просто непереводимы

поверте в русском их не меньше и не переводимых тоже много.

Как говориться не "надо понимать всё сказанное буквально" (с) из Мужской работы 2 ответ Лешего Исламу.

Вообще то произведения например " Трое в лодке не считая собаки" (с) в переводе читаются не менее интересно и юмор почему то переводим и понятен.

Может всё зависит от переводчика. :ahez: И всё можно объяснить.

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Republican or Democrat

A young teenage girl was about to finish her first year of college. She considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat but her father was a rather staunch Republican.

One day she was challenging her father on his beliefs and his opposition to taxes and welfare programs. He stopped her and asked her how she was doing in school.

She answered that she had a 40 GPA but it was really tough. She had to study all the time, never had time to go out and party. She didn't have time for a boyfriend and didn't really have many college friends because of spending all her time studying.

He asked, "How is your friend Mary." She replied that Mary was barely getting by. She had a 2.0 GPA, never studied, but was very popular on campus, went to all the parties all the time. Why she often didn't show up for classes because she was hung over.

Dad then asked his daughter why she didn't go to the Dean's office and ask why she couldn't take 1.0 off her 4.0 and give it to her friend who only had a 2.0. That way they would both have a 3.0 GPA.

The daughter angrily fired back, "That wouldn't be fair, I worked really hard for mine and Mary has done nothing".

The father slowly smiled and said, "Welcome to the Republican Party".

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