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КАЗАХСТАНСКИЙ ЮРИДИЧЕСКИЙ ФОРУМ

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Мало знать английский, так надо обладать чувством юмора. Полнейшая дискриминация. :lol:

......

Может всё зависит от переводчика. :ahez: И всё можно объяснить.

:ahez:

Ну да, ну да... :lol:

Мы тут вот с комрадами посовещались, решили курсы бесплатные открыть для СТАРТпёров. :lol:

Незнаю только, в отдельную тему выделить или в этой оставить.

Наверное, отдельную тему для этого открою во всякой всячине, нет, пожалуй в этом же разделе.

Методика обучения свободная, не по инструкциям, а путем "нью-йоркского стиля общения", ну может не совсем нью-йоркского, конечно... Техасовского тож будет, флоридского, там, калифорнийского... Короче, стиль сумасшедшего мигранта. :lol:

Начнем с самых азов. С АББГДейки. Печатать много придется, правда... Кода подготовлю АБВГДейку, открою новую тему в этом разделе. Картинки иногда даже показывать всякие разные буду. :lol::lol:

А насчет "непереводимы"...

ВСЕМ!!!

Прекратите уже цепляться, умники! :ahez::lol:

Сами знаете, что некоторые моменты, перевести бывает сложно не столько по незнанию языка, сколько по незнанию культурных, экономических, исторических, политических и других - "их" - моментов.

С уважением. :lol:

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:lol:

Прекратите уже цепляться, умники! :lol::ahez:

Сами знаете, что некоторые моменты, перевести бывает сложно не столько по незнанию языка, сколько по незнанию культурных, экономических, исторических, политических и других - "их" - моментов.

С уважением. :ahez:

Плывет русский пароход, навстречу американская яхта. Вот-вот столкнутся.

Капитан русского корабля кричит с мостика в рупор:

- Поворачивай! Поворачивай!!

ему с яхты отвечают:

- Don't understand!

Капитан парохода орет:

- Do you speak English?!

Те обрадованно:

- Yes, yes!!

- Так поворачивай на**й!!

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:ahez:

Ну да, ну да... :lol:

Мы тут вот с комрадами посовещались, решили курсы бесплатные открыть для СТАРТпёров. :lol:

Незнаю только, в отдельную тему выделить или в этой оставить.

Наверное, отдельную тему для этого открою во всякой всячине, нет, пожалуй в этом же разделе.

"Мы тут посовещались и я решил" (с) у нс так один лидер говорил :ahez:

Вы уж определитесь где откроете :lol:

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"Мы тут посовещались и я решил" (с) у нс так один лидер говорил :lol:

Вы уж определитесь где откроете :lol:

:ahez:

Открыла, открыла уже!!!! :lol::ahez::lol:

В этом же разделе.

Это вам не "Всякая-всячина", а всякая-всячина это не вам! :lol::lol:

С уважением. :ahez:

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Good News

The doctor took Dan into the room and said, "Dan, I have some good news and some bad news."

Dan said, "Give me the good news."

"They're going to name a disease after you."

The Economics Exam

Not expecting to do well on the economics exam, John was heartened by the first question: In any given year, and to the nearest ton, how much wheat does the United States export?

Smiling confidently, John wrote, "In 1492, none."

Pronouncing the Letter R

A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter ''R,'' and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it.

To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: ''Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare.'' In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to recite the sentence out loud.

The boy nervously eyed his classmates--many of them already laughing at him--then replied, ''Bob gave Dick a poke in the side because the bunny wasn't cooked enough.''

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There are few "fun" activities quite so vexing as the Office Christmas Party; that obligatory gathering of bosses and subordinates, cronies and rivals, back-stabbers and back-stabbees. Plus a horde of husbands and wives who spend the entire night planning their escape.

Every year you fantasize about sending an RSVP marked "Thanks, but no thanks." Then you return to reality and break the news to your spouse. "It'll be different this time," you lie. "It'll be fun."

"I'll go to yours, if you'll go to mine," your mate responds. "And you have to promise to behave."

This brings us to the art of gaffe avoidance. After all, who isn't but one faux pas from the unemployment line? Dodging the pitfalls of office party protocol can be a daunting challenge. But with the help of this agreement, you'll survive yet another function with your job intact.

AGREEMENT entered into on ____________, by Husband and Wife (collectively referred to as "Couple").

WHEREAS, Couple's employers suffer from the delusion that Office Christmas Parties are good for morale;

WHEREAS, Couple, being sane individuals, would prefer to stay home; and

WHEREAS, although Couple can't prove a connection, everyone who skipped last year's bash is now unemployed.

NOW, THEREFORE, Couple hereby agrees to the following office party guidelines:

GENERAL GUIDELINES

1. Husband and Wife shall dress appropriately and shall be on their best behavior at all times. However, if Husband ever again advises casual attire for a black tie affair, Wife's promise shall be null and void.

2. Wife won't criticize the food, if Husband refrains from eating three desserts.

3. Neither spouse shall over-imbibe unless the other forgot to mention that spouses weren't invited.

4. The following behavior shall be avoided:

a. Acting too distant.

b. Acting too friendly.

c. Refusing to dance with the boss.

d. Asking the boss to dance.

e. Failing to laugh at the boss's jokes.

HUSBAND'S BEHAVIOR AT WIFE'S PARTY

1. Husband shall not say anything sexist, such as the following:

a. "So you're the little woman's new manager. Tell me. How do you put up with her?"

b. "Aren't you the fellow they passed over to promote my wife? Affirmative action strikes again, heh?"

c. "I have to hand it to you -- I couldn't report to a woman."

d. "So you're the guy my Wife's been working late with on that new project. That is what you've been doing, isn't it?" (Wink, wink)

e. "I can't believe you put my wife in charge of the budget. She can't even balance our check book. (Ha ha.)"

Additionally, Husband shall not turn to Wife and say "How come you can't cook me a meal like this?"

2. Husband shall be diplomatic and refrain from saying any of the following:

a. "For a tightwad, you sure throw one hell of a bash. Just between us guys, how much did it set you back?"

b. "You promoted her just in time. She was working on her resume."

c. "So you're the fellow my Wife keeps complaining about. You seem nice enough to me."

d. "I hate these things. Don't you?" (Last year Husband said this to the President's wife.)

3. Husband shall not use Wife's party to promote his business by shoving cards or flyers under napkins. Nor shall he whip out a calculator and offer to save the Chairman "big bucks" on printing.

4. Husband shall not feign expertise -- especially about Wife's boss's business. Nor shall he say: "I sure was glad to hear you liked my Wife's new marketing plan. It was my idea, you know."

WIFE'S BEHAVIOR AT HUSBAND'S PARTY

1. Wife shall not view the party as a feminist forum. Accordingly, she shall not ask Husband's boss why the only women present are wives and data entry clerks.

2. Wife shall not ask Husband's manager to hire Couple's son. Nor shall she say: "When are you going to give my hubby a raise? The poor guy makes less than I do."

3. Wife shall not complain about being stuck talking to the women. Nor shall she brag about being too busy to clean or cook ... even though it's true.

4. Wife shall not appoint herself official no-smoking enforcer ... except for cigars.

5. Wife shall not become irate just because a few couples brought their kids. However, pique is permissible under the following circumstances:

a. Wife becomes the target of a mashed-potato match.

b. Wife is seated next to a high chair.

c. Vomit.

6. Wife shall not spend the entire evening flirting with Husband's boss. Unless, of course, it gets Husband a bonus.

FINAL BRACING THOUGHT

As Husband and Wife peek at their watches, waiting for the festivities to end, they shall keep one thought in mind: A command appearance at your office Christmas party means you're still gainfully employed.

WHEREFORE, we affix our signatures:

(Husband)___________________ (Wife)___________________

© Madeleine Begun Kane.

С уважением. :clap:

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:druzja:

Comments made in the year 1955. That's only 53 years ago!

"I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20.00."

"Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $2, 000..00 will only buy a used one."

"If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous."

"Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?"

"If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store."

"When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage."

"Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls."

"I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every new movie has either HELL of DAMN in it."

"I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas."

"Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the President."

"I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now."

"It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet."

"It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work."

"Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more, those Hollywood stars seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat."

"I'm afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business."

"Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to congress."

"The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on."

"There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend, it costs nearly $15.00 a night to stay in a hotel."

"No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $35.00 a day in the hospital it's too rich for my blood."

"If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it."

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About Italians

Italians cannot play soccer ;-) but...

Luigi (father): 'I want you to marry a girl of my choice.'

Son: 'I will choose my own bride!!!'

Luigi: 'But the girl is Bill Gates' daughter..'

Son: 'Well, in that case . . . ok'

Next Luigi approaches Bill Gates.

Luigi: 'I have a husband for your daughter...'

Bill Gates: 'But my daughter is too young to marry!!'

Luigi: 'But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank'

Bill Gates: 'Ah, in that case . . . ok'

Finally Luigi goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Luigi: 'I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.'

President: 'But I already have more vice-presidents than I need!'

Luigi : 'But this young man is Bill Gates' son-in-law.'

President: 'Ah, in that case . . . ok'

__________________________________

About women

Nine words women use...

1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.

Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the ! most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F**K you

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

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понравился мне этот анекдотик, прислали намедни.. )))

A black dad with his son traveling from USA 2 London, the pilot says: "The fuel tank is getting empty, we have to throw out the baggages." Baggages were thrown. After a while, pilot says: "The plane is still too heavy, im sorry but we have to start unloading people. To make it as fair as possible we do it in the alphabetic order, are there any Africans onboard?" No answer. "Ok, any Black people onboard?" no answer. Ok, any Colored people? no answer. Hmm, any Dark people? Still no answer. Then the son asks: "But dad, i thought you said that we are proud African Black Colored Dark people?"

"Yes my son, but today we are NIGGERS."

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понравился мне этот анекдотик, прислали намедни.. )))

A black dad with his son traveling from USA 2 London, the pilot says: "The fuel tank is getting empty, we have to throw out the baggages." Baggages were thrown. After a while, pilot says: "The plane is still too heavy, im sorry but we have to start unloading people. To make it as fair as possible we do it in the alphabetic order, are there any Africans onboard?" No answer. "Ok, any Black people onboard?" no answer. Ok, any Colored people? no answer. Hmm, any Dark people? Still no answer. Then the son asks: "But dad, i thought you said that we are proud African Black Colored Dark people?"

"Yes my son, but today we are NIGGERS."

я думаю это им не поможет поскольку White и Yellow все таки будут последними :dan:

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Не знаю, было ли уже подобное на форуме или нет, но решила выложить то, что я недавно нашла во всемирной паутине (игра слов в названии реальных юр.компаний+ комменты):

10 Funniest Law-Firm Names

Payne & Fears... your worst nightmare

Low, Ball & Lynch... can't get your lower than this

Weiner & Cox... touch me baby

Smart & Biggar... and getting bettar

Ziffren, Brittenham, Branca, Fischer, Gilbert-Lurie, Stiffelman, Cook, Johnson, Lande & Wolf... how may I help you?

Ball & Weed... and chicks, and rock and roll

Boring & Leach.... what can't we do today?

Bickers & Bickers... damn, even the slogan is funny

Slaughter & Slaughter... beat me, harder!

Allen, Allen, Allen & Allen... OK, we got it after the third

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